A Simple Message

When I was 13, I was bullied in school, so my mom rented me this movie. It's called "Odd Girl Out". It's about a girl named Vanessa, played by Alexa Vega (Carmen from Spy Kids) and she's part of the popular crowd. Then there's her "best friend", Stacey, Nikki, and Tiffany. So what happens is, Nikki convinces Vanessa to talk to this guy, Tony, who Stacey likes. Well, then, her best friends turn on her, create a webpage to bash her, and follow her into the bathroom and talk shit about her until she cries. Well, she freaks out because they started saying shit about how horrible her hair is, so she cuts it all off. Which, of course, makes life much worse. The girls do everything to make her life miserable, they offer her their fake friendship, just so they can stomp all over her, and send her fake invites so she'll show up in random places and look like an idiot. OH, and OF COURSE the school does nothing, because there are no policies against verbal harassment, so they just pretend like nothing is happening. Needless to say, she gets fed up and tries to commit suicide by taking a bunch of sleeping pills...and ends up on her bathroom floor, then in the hospital. Well, the night before their Middle School graduation, Vanessa and Stacey were IMing about becoming friends again, but Stacey saved the conversation and sent it to Nikki, who reads it in the hallway in front of the entire class. Vanessa finally stands up to all of them finally and the movie ends with a smile. The End.

I both love, and hate, that movie with a passion. I mean, it DOES show the horrible things that girls do to each other, and how traumatizing Middle School and High School can be, but how many girls really have the guts to stand up to those who torture them? Not many, and I know a lot of girls who are the exact same person now that they're older. Girls are bitches, and what happens to you in Middle School and High School changes you. You're no longer the bright eyed little girl who thinks unicorns are real, and that they fly around and poop rainbows. Everything about your life changes, and here we are, sitting and letting our children get bullied at school and telling them "just ignore it, they'll get bored and leave you alone". News flash to parents: NO THEY DON'T!!! The more you ignore them, the harder they try, because when you ignore them, you're creating a challenge for them, and we all know that women love to be challenged because they love to be "the best". Unfortunately, like in "Odd Girl Out", the majority of the abuse is psychological and verbal, and by the time you go to the teachers, or your parents...it's WAY too late for them to do anything, because whoever has been hurting you has achieved their goal.

To this day (I'm 21, almost 22) I still get bullied. By my brother, the cranky old lady at Walmart, and numerous other people that I'm too afraid to stand up to. All because of Middle School and High School, because when you get tormented for 7 years of your life...that tends to stick with you. I was tortured by the popular girls for the same reason, because I asked out a guy that my "best friend" liked, and from there, everything went downhill. I was Public Enemy #1...and it got so bad, I had to move away from my home town, because I couldn't stand being in that school anymore. I've been there, where all those girls are, and I want all of you to know now, don't let it get to the point to where you want to end your life. If someone is targeting you and making your life hell, TELL SOMEONE! Before it gets so bad that you're afraid to even step foot out of your house because they know where you live and they have a nasty habit of walking past your house every morning on their way to school. Or they wait on the corner of your road so they can follow you and whisper about you while you're walking. Trust me, take it from someone who's had to go through it, and is still going through it to an extent, get help ASAP! Because if you give them the power to make your life hell...they won't stop until you disappear completely...and then they'll start in on someone else. Take their power away, stand up to them, and always make sure you have someone, ANYONE, standing beside you for moral support.

My love.

As a personal preference, I've always steered as far away from guys shorter than me. Guys younger than me were kind of a weird subject also. I don't know why, but it's how I have been most of my short life. The guy I fell in love with is perfect for me, in almost every way. If I were to write a list of my perfect man, he would fit it 90%. All but the height and age. But, that's the only thing wrong!!!

Everyone makes fun of him because he's short, weighs barely more than 125, and no one takes him seriously. But I think he's amazing. He's really smart, exciting, adventurous, tender, gentle, and he loves listening to my retardedly awkward stoner babble. I sang for him not long after we met, we were still practically strangers. I really sang...all by myself. Just Give Me A Reason by Pink (I hit that high note!) I've had paralyzing stage fright my whole life. And I didn't collapse, or choke up, but my adrenaline did start going. I've accomplished more personal victories in the last 8 months than I have in 9 years!!! All because he makes me feel confident and strong.

People are put in our lives to help us make choices, and to help us find answers. The choices we make are, of course, our own. The people we interact with, though, are there to influence us either one way or another. They teach us who we do and don't want to be. The answers we find won't necessarily be the right ones, either, but they guide us towards who we will become. Whoever says "your past doesn't define you" is full of it. Without your memories, life experiences, fears, dreams, and stories, you wouldn't be you, would you?

I believe he was put in my life to teach me that it's ok to be loved by someone genuinely. To be loved for me, not my body. For my brains, my personality, and my sense of humor. On the other hand, those 2 imperfections teach me tolerance and patience. They teach me how to look beyond the surface and see what's truly on the inside instead of just looking at the wrapping. He has kept me together through some of my hardest times, he is my super glue. I even carry a bottle of super glue in my purse to remind me. I love him more every day. After a while, his size and age became something that made me love him more. Everyone who sees him sees a little man. I see the greatest man I've ever known, with a biggest heart, and the strongest arms. He keeps me safe, loved, and happy.

The right man/woman is supposed to make you feel special, without expecting anything in return. He used to come over to my house after work just to sit in my living room. We would listen to music, smoke weed, and just...stoner babble. He stays up late with me when he has to go to work early because I don't feel good and don't want to stay awake alone. And he offered to take me to the Bahamas so I can clear my head...all without once asking me to be anything but me.